Let me roast your trees on YouTube. I'm in an especially snarky mood.

[BillsBayou]

I would like to create a video where I take photos of your bonsai and give them a good verbal roasting. Hopefully this will turn out to be a funny video.

Why do this? A certain other bonsai board has been posting some especially crappy misunderstandings of bonsai. My idea was to start an anonymous YouTube channel called "YourBonsaiSucksAndYouKnowIt". That's an intrusive thought. That would be mean. But something was in that thought. What if I could make the comments like a comedy roast? I could put my name on that project.

Here are some rules:
1) You MUST own the tree.
2) You should be the photographer, but fair use rules actually allow commentary without compensation.
3) You should have a thick skin and won't cry foul on my commentary.
4) You must be able to laugh at yourself.
5) Post photos to this thread, or link to the photo on BNut. (You can also send me the photos by way of a BNut message)
6) You can roast your own tree in this thread, but do not roast anyone else's trees. BNut is my favorite bonsai board and I don't want anyone to get upset in this thread or for animosity to leak out of this thread.
7) Feel free to roast me in this thread.
8) By posting here you agree to the conditions laid out in this post and understand that I will be roasting your tree in a YouTube video.

Here are my rules:
1) Bill MUST post the video by July 27th. (I have a week of vacation to burn)
2) Bill MUST roast his own trees.
3) Bill can NOT be mean for the sake of being mean.
4) Bill will laugh at himself.
5) Bill must make a good faith effort to be funny and/or snarky.

YouTube has monetized my videos, but I don't see a single cent. This project will net me exactly $0. Hopefully not a penny less.

Comments?

 

[Desert O'Piñon]

Brilliant idea. Photos, or videos, or both? Do undeveloped/pre-bonsai apply, or just trees in or ready for refinement? I have plenty of trees striving to be strong enough to begin their journey toward becoming bonsai.

 

[BillsBayou]

Brilliant idea. Photos, or videos, or both? Do undeveloped/pre-bonsai apply, or just trees in or ready for refinement? I have plenty of trees striving to be strong enough to begin their journey toward becoming bonsai.

All of that. I don't care if it's dead/dying or the cotyledons of a seed. You post it, I'll roast it.

 

[chriso383]

This is going to be good. IN for the LoLs

 

[Wulfskaar]

Oh dang, which of my trees needs to be torn a new one?

Roast my BC?
https://www.bonsainut.com/threads/wulfskaars-bald-cypress.60870/

Or my sweet gum forest?
https://www.bonsainut.com/threads/wulfskaars-liquidambars-sweetgum-from-seeds.53087/

Having my trees online opens them up to a good roasting, so feel free to target any of them.

 

[BillsBayou]

Oh dang, which of my trees needs to be torn a new one?

Roast my BC?
https://www.bonsainut.com/threads/wulfskaars-bald-cypress.60870/

Or my sweet gum forest?
https://www.bonsainut.com/threads/wulfskaars-liquidambars-sweetgum-from-seeds.53087/

Having my trees online opens them up to a good roasting, so feel free to target any of them.

There is a flaw in my plans: Social Media and YouTube censorship.

I'm going to have to censor what I first said about that BC. Then I'm going to go viral for all the wrong reasons on that sweet gum forest and get "cancelled".

Do you think Joan of Arc would be a saint if she lit her own pyre? Damn. It's going to look like I forgot which to put on first. The fireproof suit or the gallon of gasoline.

"Bill is approaching the platform. This will be a fire dive from 80 feet."
"He's striking the match, Cotton."
"WHOA! I did not think it was possible to set fire to a fireproof suit from the inside."
"Welcome to Burn Town, Dude. Population you!"

 

[michaelj]

Here, have some fodder. There are some obvious places you can take this roast. But if the roast is funny, I want to use a clip of it on my Drunk Bonsai channel.