Best soil mix recipe:
1 part Akadama to keep people from complaining that you're not using Akadama
1 part haydite because Akadama is expensive
1 part zeolite to counter the lowered CEC value of the mix
1 part pumice for water retention because haydite and zeolite don't hold as much water as Akadama
1 part decomposed granite to lower water retention
1 part lava rock because granite isn't rough enough to encourage root ramification
1 part horticultural charcoal to filter toxins and allow for roots to expand
1 part pine bark because the horticultural charcoal sweetened the soil
1 part Chabasai because you heard a rumor and spent 2 years tracking it down and you want to put it in something, anything
1 part bio char to eliminate toxins introduced by exotic ingredients
1 part Bonsai Soil Vendor "A" proprietary blend because someone recommended it without really knowing what's in it
1 part Bonsai Soil Vendor "B" proprietary blend because someone recommended it without really knowing what's in it
1 part Bonsai Soil Vendor "C" proprietary blend because someone recommended it without really knowing what's in it
1 part Bonsai Soil Vendor "D" proprietary blend because someone recommended it without really knowing what's in it
1 part milled peat to slow water drainage
1 part expanded shale to speed water drainage
1 part diatomaceous earth to protect against pests
1 part kitty litter because you're a cheap bastard
1 part NAPA 8822 because you didn't realize you already have diatomaceous earth in there
1 part crushed glass to keep the squirrels from digging in your pots
1 part crushed glass because you hate squirrels with a passion
1 part vermiculite to improve water retention after adding all that glass
1 part potassium polyacrylate crystals to hold/balance water retention
1 part Kanuma because it's Japanese and you'll buy anything because it's Japanese
I might have to come back to this. I'm sure I've forgotten something necessary and a few other Japanese ingredients because they're Japanese.