I want to hear more arguments ..Bonsai Humor Thread No. 2

[sono_ben]

There is no need to use chop stick to push soil into the roots.
Air pockets in the pot are no problem.

I have secretly wondered about this

 

[vesper818]

Keeping your trees in thimble sized pots or trays the depth of a dinner plate that require watering three times a day

This makes me mad!

 

[Burl]

I have secretly wondered about this

How i see it: space in a bonsai pot is limited. A pocket of air will not host roots. Worst case scenario roots air prune. Better case: roots van not find water or nutrients so will not grow there.

 

[JoeWilson]

How i see it: space in a bonsai pot is limited. A pocket of air will not host roots. Worst case scenario roots air prune. Better case: roots van not find water or nutrients so will not grow there.

Air pockets don’t tend to remain, though. Typically, the soil settles and they are filled within the first watering, or the first couple of days in the worst case. I like to water a few times when potting up and give the soil a chance to saturate and settle, topping up to fill any gaps that have been created as gravity does its thing.

 

[JoeWilson]

What you really need to do is get yourself a large, menacing trident. Wave this at the soil once per moon cycle, and it will contract in fear, forcing soil into the air gaps and water into the roots. If you paint the trident red and wear some horns, it works even better.

 

[DonielDoom]

What you really need to do is get yourself a large, menacing trident. Wave this at the soil once per moon cycle, and it will contract in fear, forcing soil into the air gaps and water into the roots. If you paint the trident red and wear some horns, it works even better.

Instructions unclear - I now have a trident maple dessicated and painted red while the neighbors watch me chant and jump around in my yard wearing horns.

 

[JoeWilson]

Instructions unclear - I now have a trident maple dessicated and painted red while the neighbors watch me chant and jump around in my yard wearing horns.

Sorry, I forgot to mention the bit about playing the bagpipe.

 

[Paradox]

There is no need to use chop stick to push soil into the roots.
Air pockets in the pot are no problem.

Some people tap the sides of the pot to settle the soil instead of trying to shift it down with a chop stick. Seems to work better imo

 

[SailDesign]

Sorry, I forgot to mention the bit about playing the bagpipe.

Now that really IS a step too far....

REAL gentlemen know how to play the pipes, but choose not to.

 

[leatherback]

Now that really IS a step too far....

REAL gentlemen know how to play the pipes, but choose not to.

Hm. Old recommendations from the forum recommend watering wearing only a pink slip. But tht is mainly for the oldtimers who remember...

 

[Brain Treez]

Those that use liquid fertilizer don't realize just how much dihydrogen monoxide they're giving to their tree. Once you start applying that chemical, if you stop the tree will die!

 

[JoeWilson]

Those that use liquid fertilizer don't realize just how much dihydrogen monoxide they're giving to their tree. Once you start applying that chemical, if you stop the tree will die!

The sky is full of dihydrogen monoxide, but the government hushes it up.

 

[leatherback]

The sky is full of dihydrogen monoxide, but the government hushes it up.

Hm.. Common highschool knowledge here. Goverment mandate information provision in chemistry class.

 

[ZombieNick]

What you really need to do is get yourself a large, menacing trident. Wave this at the soil once per moon cycle, and it will contract in fear, forcing soil into the air gaps and water into the roots. If you paint the trident red and wear some horns, it works even better.

If you have been following this thread, the appropriate thing to do is to actually repot during a full moon so that the gravitational forces will pull the soil into the gaps.

 

[ShadyStump]

Helmet styled trees are beautiful

But have you seen my purple one.

 

[ShadyStump]

I was a member of a club many years ago, and many members referred to it as a done deal. Exactly like you are writing, forces of moom pull water up, so in that phase, you do not cut anything from the tree.
For me, it was too much paranormal, not scientific, so I never went down that road.

However, I understand that many aspects of bonsai (horticulture) are not entirely scientific. This thread as example - wound sealant, yes/no/home-made/putty/containing hormones/fragrance. Similar to soils, the timing of processes, media for airlayering, fertilisers, and organic/chemical functionality under heat, etc.

Many things are trial and error, supported by anecdotal evidence at best. And there is not much science or evidence behind. But with large enough engaged communities, we can work in those kinds of circumstances. A lot of people are sharing a lot of different experiences, and if you want, you can draw your conclusions tailored for your species, climate zone, etc.
For example, I was thinking if there is any other field of horticulture or plant propagation business which has more and wider experience with propagation by air-layering? I have no idea, but from my experience, if you want to layer some plants and you are looking for a way forward, most probably you will find some kind of hint in the bonsai community online. Can you layer linden/mugo pine/juniper (insert your preferred/complicated species)? When start? What media works, and how long does it take? Bonsai guys have answers, anecdotal, but answers. Right? Who else is doing that in botany? So, I think here we are spearheading. Thoughts?

I don't know about spearheading anything, but we certainly do take horticulture to it's limits in many cases. Mostly I feel bonsai people are always good for a proof of concept of almost any horticultural theory;no matter how outlandish it is, someone here will give it a try just to find out.

I do believe there might be benefits the scientific community may not account for thanks to bonsai.
One good example, I think, is the invasion of North America by the emerald ash borer. It's devastating populations of native trees across the continent. Well, thanks to all those noobs who insist on try to do bonsai with ash despite it not being the best suited to it, we may have population of very healthy native specimens to help reforest. I think we might find this happening with many threatened species around the world, making bonsai a somewhat practical conservation tool.
There's finally REAL talk of human space colonies in the foreseeable future. Bonsai is going to be what allows those colonies to grow fruit trees. Sure, it sounds like sci-fi, but so does talking to people across the world via a crystal box kept in your pocket. For the same space and weight as sending seeds enough then waiting 20 years, you can send a 30 year old bonsai to take cuttings from and have a productive orchard under domes on Mars within a couple years, and have fruit for the voyage there as well.

 

[Desert O'Piñon]

If you are the kind of person who is willing to listen, hear, receive and accept advice from people and, especially if you acknowledge that they know more than you do...
...you have no business asking for guidance here. Wait until you know it all so that you can ask questions with no intention of paying any credence to the answer(s) you are given.

 

[shohin_branches]

Plants really aren't that finicky and some have evolved to grow in a wide variety of situations. There often are many ways to grow a plant and everyone says their way is the right way when it really is just the right way for them. Look at how many plants can grow from Florida to Ontario

 

[Maros]

I don't know about spearheading anything, but we certainly do take horticulture to it's limits in many cases. Mostly I feel bonsai people are always good for a proof of concept of almost any horticultural theory;no matter how outlandish it is, someone here will give it a try just to find out.

I do believe there might be benefits the scientific community may not account for thanks to bonsai.
One good example, I think, is the invasion of North America by the emerald ash borer. It's devastating populations of native trees across the continent. Well, thanks to all those noobs who insist on try to do bonsai with ash despite it not being the best suited to it, we may have population of very healthy native specimens to help reforest. I think we might find this happening with many threatened species around the world, making bonsai a somewhat practical conservation tool.
There's finally REAL talk of human space colonies in the foreseeable future. Bonsai is going to be what allows those colonies to grow fruit trees. Sure, it sounds like sci-fi, but so does talking to people across the world via a crystal box kept in your pocket. For the same space and weight as sending seeds enough then waiting 20 years, you can send a 30 year old bonsai to take cuttings from and have a productive orchard under domes on Mars within a couple years, and have fruit for the voyage there as well.

Exactly. On conservation and potential help in keeping a variety of plants in a small place by thousands of people, in diverse environments. Regarding Mars, I'm out of my depth here. I know for sure I would not volunteer to curate a bonsai collection on Mars myself. With the amount of luck I have, some stray antenna would probably punch my scafander on my first yamadori trip outside of the dome, like Mat Deamons in Martian. No thanks.

 

[Maros]

P+K nutrients increase flower amounts and size

Only this point from your list is surprising for me. I thought it was somewhat proven that it does help. Interesting.