In my prior life, I....

Bonsai Nut

Bonsai Nut

Nuttier than your average Nut
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Starting a fun thread. You need to finish the sentence with the craziest/most interesting thing from your prior life :)
 
Was part of a society where people didn't force their opinions upon others, didn't shove their political views on you, held the door for women, didn't cut you off in traffic just to gain one car length, and still respected one another even if they disagreed about things...

No really, there was a time! ;)
 
Lived 40 months in a mud hut in West Africa, with no power or running water. Helping Africans garden and graft fruit trees.
 
So it was long ago and I could not afford "good" stock animals for my farm (me being a peg-leg and all), and charitable people would drop off their old and blind critters for me to raise up. I had great fields of corn and wheat, barley and oats, peas, beans, carrots, potatoes, you name it. They were lovely fields, but because I had a peg-leg and the ground was soft to varying degrees (and hilly), none of my fields were rectangular or square, but round and curved, with circles and crescents, etc, etc... you get the picture.

So one day these two fellers moved in... one on each side, (on the hill-tops) and they began to farm. It appeared that they knew each other and didn't really take a liking to me. They had rectangle and square fields (them not being peg-legged like me), and soon they came over to bitch me out.

They both talked kinda funny and spit flew in all directions when they raged...

This one fella named Douglas Adams, started in on me in a fury... "Why don't you make your crops square like a normal man?", he demanded. And his buddy John Cleese (or Cheese possibly), ripped me from the other side, "What kinda nut-ball are ya?"

So, I calmly explained that with my peg leg, hilly land, and blind critters, it worked perfectly fine to have what they called "crop circled" fields (with great mirth I might add), because the animals get a healthier diet that way wandering here and near throughout the fields, and I can't make a straight row crop anyway.

This didn't at all appease them and they yelled at me from the crests of the hills on each side of my little valley farm every morning for weeks and months.

Then one day when we were having the usual "to-do" at a dusty cross-roads, while gathering the mail from our boxes, this big assed space ship come and plucked us all from the baked dry earth.

These phosphorescent-sea-green fellas took us away, for questioning.

After a few years, I heard that one fella wrote a number of books about space travel that no one ever took the least bit seriously, and the other had some sort of notoriety with T.V. something or other. (Mostly amusing Americans)... me, I became the Agriculture Minister for a little known planet in the Goldilocks Zone, because of my advanced agricultural practices...

... then, I died.

The End.
 
Did you ever meet Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6?... she was REALLY good at throwing dice.
 
C'mon ppl... I can't be the ONLY bull shitter on this web site!
 
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