HELL AND HIGH WATER. What you're about to read strains credulity.
I need luck where I can predict lottery numbers. Isn't there a Powerball drawing tonight?
My in-laws are in their RV in Foley, Alabama. My mother-in-law just broke her hip. No lie. I said there'd be hell, didn't I? Well, it isn't keeping my video from being uploaded as we speak. It's being uploaded and it is scheduled for 6am Central Daylight Time, United States of Dagnabbit America. I could tell you something about how the video won't get uploaded, but I won't. Because it'll happen. My mother-in-law broke her hip and I'm bitching about my video upload schedule. Sounds selfish, except where, just this morning, I kind of predicted something like this would happen. I need to shut my doom-and-gloom mouth.
Then again: The only way any of you won't see videos 2 and 3 uploaded is if I win tonight's Powerball jackpot. (let me check...) Estimated jackpot is $191 million.... half for the cash-out is $95 million ... half that for taxes is $47 million ... I'm 53 and want to live to 100, so that's easy math .... an even $1 million per year.... I can definitely scrape by on a million per year... in Martinique. Do they speak Spanish there? I hope so. I don't speak Spanish. The fewer people who speak my language and I can't be bothered to wake up except for another fruity drink with umbrellas.
If I win that money, I'll post a photo of me coming in to work 3 hours late, drunk before noon, in my bathrobe, "Just showing up to gather some personal photos, guys. I've got 30-year-old single malt in the thermos if anyone is interested."
Then I'll come in here explaining that's how I forgot to upload the other two videos.
SHE BROKE HER HIP! I may have to drive my wife to Alabama tonight or tomorrow and leave her there. A girl should be with her ailing mother, right?
Broke her hip. Hell or high water. I got both. How do I predict these things?