It's hard to assess the tree from the photo; the base is hidden, the trunk is blurry, and while I can see where you're going, I don't think the current branch arrangement will get there.
A few thoughts came to mind:
1. Bjorn and Owen both say that many of our bonsai in the US have "long necks", which makes the overall design seem disconnected and not powerful. Working with them, a main goal is to always compact the design.
2. Letting the leader grow unrestrained instead of being wired will create a second section of trunk more quickly, improving movement and taper.
3. Consider unwiring the second section of trunk, call it practice, and let the tree develop that second section over the next few years. Then you can carve away the first chop scar to create a more graceful transition.
4. Depending on your final design goal (informal upright with a central leader from which all branches emerge, or broom style, where the branches emerge from a single point on the trunk), the primary branches on the main trunk may not be part of the final design. At any rate, get more movement in the first 2" of those primary branches. The first 2" will be all you use as the tree develops more density through secondary branches. They need to have interest, and it's much easier to get that movement while the branches are still relatively thin.
